All of these old, negative thoughts are coming back to me out of nowhere. I know they are not true thoughts, but they hurt a lot. They make me feel bad. Less than. They make me imagine that I want to hurt myself.
I don't want to hurt myself. I want to live and do good things. However, these thoughts are making it hard for me to get out of bed. I just want to lie in bed and wait for my mind to clear.
I think it is just a strange PTSD flare because a year ago I was extremely sick. I was dying. At one point, I tried to kill myself and died. I was in the hospital. What the hell can you do about that.
I am so grateful for the people who saved my life. And, now I am struggling with those memories. Thank you to everyone who has helped me through this challenging time. I will get better; it just takes time.
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